Why does everyone love this fucking movie? "Oh it's sooo romantic?" Fuckin' really? I totally thought growing up that I was going to start fucking random dudes for money and then FINALLY a good guy who solicits hooker sluts for pussy will come along with his giant penis and sweep me and my ginormous razor sharp herp invested vagina off my feet. Damn am I disappointed.
Not to ruin the movie or anything.
Here are two IMDB.com reviews with my edits in red:
Review #1:
Edward the man whore is a rich, ruthless son-of-a-mother-fucking-bitch-who-ignored-her-children businessman who specializes in eating boners and taking over companies and then selling them off piece by piece because he is goodlooking and Richard Gere-like. He travels to Los Angeles for a business trip (oh is that what he calls his sexual escapades?) and decides to hire a prostitute that spreads her vajayjay for fucking fun. weeeee. They take a liking to each other beacuse all hookers are smiley and hot and look like Julia fucking Roberts and he offers her money if she'll stay with him and let him fuck her in the butt for an entire week while he fuckin' (I thought that interjection spiced up the review) makes the "rich and famous" scene (since it doesn't do for a man of his stature to be alone at society parties and polo matches...since when are there no single men at fuckin' upper class parties?). Romantic comedy (and complications) ensue. Oh no way? Like people being smart enough to figure out that the fuckin' chick you brought everywhere is a whore that bangs out dudes all the time? Does that happen? I mean, how much more romantic comedy can you get?
Review #2
The slut Vivian Ward has found a fantastic-I'm-so-jealous way of living by working as a prostitute-ho-tranny-ball-licker-humper on Hollywood Boulevard. When she runs (fucks) into the prince of her and every other hooker on her streets dreams, who comes along on his wild horse (wtf? how real is this shit?), she first does not recognize him as her saviour because he just wants a piece of ass you slut. The prince, a ruthless man whore and wealthy businessman with a giant dong by the name of Edward Lewis (yeah he named his dong), does not know that she could be more than just a girl from the sidewalk, a slut from the streets, a ho from the ghetto, a whore from your mom (wha?), but he changes his decision after the first night with the beautiful stranger because he got herpes and realized that no one was gonna fuckin' love him anymore other than his giant vaginaed whore. Her being the first slutty person in a long time who could surprise him with her gift that never stops giving, Edward can slowly feel the light at the end of the tunnel as he didn't get his VD treated in time. He is on his way to become a better infected person, whereas Vivian has got a new chance to start spreading her legs all over again.
ZOMG SO ROMANTIC! SWOON! If I were you I would fuckin' run to Blockbuster to rent that shit for you children....b/c you gotta teach them that no matter what the fuck happens to them in life they can always turn to the streets, get a lot of sex and marry a rich fucker that loves them and doesn't beat their asses.
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