Irish Monsters? That's Gonna Be One Tiny Monster Penis!

Shit, that's one big bunch of clovers in that Cloverfield. Cloverfield is so fucking brain-doucheing ape-shit-up-the-assingly mys-fucking-sterious that you never find out why its called that. FUCK KNOCKERS, but I just dork-gasmed in my Captain America panties.

A bunch of people so hot they made my pants pregnant have a party, and one guy is in love with a girl. I haven't seen a story this original since my uncle told the cops that I was asking for it. YUMMY! But don't even thinking about lighting a candle, cause your whole fucking UNIVERSE is about to get blown, cause oh hell yes, that's the Statue of Liberty's head, and it's pissed. Can you hear the awesomeness of the words I'm saying?! LISTEN THEN, you limey fuck!

Jesus Mary and Zombie-Loving Josephs, it's a fucking American Godzilla monster thing! And in America, our fucking heroes run TOWARD the monster, you Japanese fucks. Jesus, could you be bigger pussies, or does dressing your teenagers up like Catholic school girls basically answer that question. Yes, it does. You make me vomit, swallow it, then shit it out.

PENIS, that's a big monster! It's knocking over buildings and shit! Watch out, you hot fucking retards who are running toward the monster and death! Don't worry about how you keep dying off one by one, that's just the cherry on top of the whip cream of exploding girls on top of the mint fucking chocolate chip that is the monster who shits out little 'roid-rage dogs to bite people, and then explode them (didn't I already fucking tell you that with the whip cream part? I hope you enjoy the short bus to hell, you goat-menstruating tampon-hoarder.)

Buildings are coming down, and one's even on it's fucking side, like that kid in your dorm who almost died of alcohol poisoning! But unlike that lucky fuck, these characters don't join MADD, they just die and explode and die and crash helicopters in huge fucking plotholes of testicle-ripping nerdblossoms. You heard me, smell the roses!

And just when you think the monster's dead, no, all the characters are. Why did you think the monster would die? Did you grow up thinking that people live happily ever after? Welcome to the real world, you princess-dress wearing pedophile! In the real world, monsters kill helicopters that are 1000 feet above them! That's the real fucking world! Love gets you killed, you silly bastards. Drink up while you got the stones, merry Christmas to all!